Do you find yourself wanting to rekindle a relationship after being separated? Well, you’re not alone. Sometimes the reasons for separation in the first place are not just enough good reasons to separate. It could be a lack of understanding, pride, boredom, or other options that could help make the relationship work.
So it is understandable to realize these shortcomings afterward and then decide to work things out with your partner. Before you do, it would be best to think about it carefully and consider all the options. Coming together again and then backing off later will show that the initial choices were right.
If you strongly believe coming back after separation for a while is what you need but do not know how to go about it, you’re in the right place. Here’s the step to take to rekindle a marriage after separation.
1. See a marriage counselor.
It is recommended to see a marriage counselor if you plan to come back together. A marriage counselor will help both of you recognize and resolve conflicts you’re having before the separation. Then, they will find ways to help you guys improve the relationship for the best.
A counselor will help you make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and reinforcing your relationship. Counseling is very important in resolving conflicts.
2. Understand your role in the problem
To solve a problem, you must first know what caused it. Sometimes a problem might seem too big to tackle. However, if you make a list of the quarrels you were having and what’s causing these quarrels, it will be easier for you to see where you need to make improvements.
Next is to focus on the steps you can take to resolve the conflicts. Make a list of what you’re determined to do in order to make it better. If what causes the conflict is a financial issue, take advantage of the following pointers:
- Be mindful of how you spend money
- Create a spending budget
- Find out where your money goes
If what causes it is infidelity, do the following first:
- Take the time to heal and understand what was behind the affair ● The unfaithful partner should take responsibility for your actions ● Restore trust
Depending on the problem, find ways to make it better to avoid it. Try to do things your partner love and what makes them happy. 3.
3. Put ego and pride aside.
Many people are separated because of pride. A partner refuses to apologize or realize their mistakes when they are wrong. A simple “I am sorry” can go a long way to resolve any issues.
Apologizing does not make you weak. It makes you the smarter one instead. Sometimes, we apologize, not because we were in the wrong but just for the sake of peace, and that doesn’t make you weak.
Shoving ego aside and doing the honorable thing will save married couples a lot of heartaches.
4. Don’t rush to reconcile
Rushing to reconcile will only make both of you repeat the old patterns that led to the separation in the first place. It is best to take it one step at a time. Take time to examine the real issues behind the split and take steps to rectify them.
Start dating again for a while, see how things go. Do not rush into intimacy at first. Eventually, you will know if you’re ready to get back together fully with time. And when you finally get your family back together, make sure you both become a better version of yourselves.
You’ll talk about the good and bad parts of your relationship as you pinpoint and better understand the sources of your conflicts. Together you’ll learn how to identify problems without blame and instead examine how things can be improved.
Effects of Separation
According to research, separation usually takes a toll on the parents and the children and there causing some mental health problems as a result. Separation was associated with increased anxiety and increased risk of alcohol abuse.
Kids who have suffered traumatic separations from their parents may also display low self-esteem, mood disorders, and inadequate social skills.
So parents must consider the unhealthy changes the trauma may cause in the behavior pattern of children. Very talkative, spirited kids can switch off and become quiet, while reticent kids can become loud and act up.
As you can see, the trauma that results from separation is not worth it. Parents need to think about adjustment, cooperation, and concern about their kid’s welfare and work out ways to save their marriage if possible.
Photo by Afif Kusuma on Unsplash
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