There’s no question that infidelity can wreck relationships. Cheating destroys the foundation of trust, which can be hard to bounce back from. Infidelity can take different forms, including both emotional and physical cheating. For this article, we’ll be focusing on sexual infidelity.
Whether it’s engaging in sexual activities with someone else once or multiple times, infidelity boils down to one key fact: you’re being unfaithful to your partner. Often, infidelity is a sign of bigger problems in the relationship such as communication issues, mismatched sex drives, resentment, or even spite. Even though infidelity is ultimately the fault of the person that cheated, there are things that both partners are responsible for that brought the relationship and the partner to such a devastating point.
Sometimes the hurt will be too much to move on from, but infidelity doesn’t always mean the end of the relationship or marriage. It is possible to recover and reach forgiveness if partners are willing to evaluate their relationship and make the necessary changes to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
Couples deal with it in different ways, but there are generally five stages they go through in order to recover from infidelity:
Get to the root
Infidelity doesn’t normally occur out of the blue—there are bigger, underlying issues at play. It’s necessary to get to the root of what caused your relationship to get to the point of infidelity.
Some people are more predisposed to infidelity than others (due to insecure attachment styles, self-esteem issues, self-sabotaging behavior, etc.) and in these cases, there may not be a root cause.
On the other hand, in most cases, there is a deeper issue to discover: Is one partner feeling ignored in the relationship? Does one feel undervalued and has the need to seek approval outside of the relationship? Do the partners have different sex drives leading to one person feeling as if their sexual needs are not met? Getting to the root of the problems (yes, there can be multiple) in your relationship, will help you identify areas of growth and find ways to heal the wounds in your relationship.
Address the pain
Once you’ve identified the root(s) of the problem, you and your partner will need to address the pain that’s been caused. This can be hard to do, but it’s necessary in order to make changes for the better. Sweeping infidelity under the rug might serve as a temporary fix, but it will come back as an even bigger problem down the line.
Most importantly, the person who was cheated on should be able to feel whatever they need to feel! Infidelity can cause an immense amount of pain, leading some to doubt themselves and their worth in the relationship. Recovering from this break in trust takes patience, time, and, in some cases, professional guidance from a therapist.
Rediscover your relationship
After working through the root of your relationship problems, it’s important to rediscover the good parts of your relationship. If you’re both committed to overcoming infidelity, you have to remember what it is you’re fighting for!
What is the core of your relationship that makes you compatible and happy as a couple? What are things you enjoy doing together? What makes you feel close to your partner? What are your favorite things about your partner and your partnership? Rediscovering your relationship and rekindling your love for one another will help your relationship recover from infidelity.
Create a plan
When you are recovering from infidelity, it is also important to make a plan. What are you going to do when there is a rough patch in the future? How can you prevent your relationship from getting to a place where a partner can justify cheating? What is your plan if you feel like your partner is being unfaithful? Talking out these details can help put overactive imaginations to rest and help you feel more secure in your path forward as a couple.
Forgiveness and healing
These are the final steps in recovering from infidelity. It is possible that even after going through all the other steps, people are unable to forgive their partners because they simply can’t get over it. If this is the case, it’s important to recognize that and find a way to move on. If both partners are not on the same page and able to move forward with forgiveness, it’s impossible to rekindle the relationship.
At the end of the day, both partners will need to learn to trust each other again. This can take a lot of time and patience, but it’s possible to accomplish. If you’re able to forgive one another and focus on healing your bond and connection, you can move past infidelity and revive your relationship.
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