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Making a decision often feels like too much responsibility. We believe that we stand to lose a lot of our choices that lead us astray. This can happen due to learned helplessness, external pressures, lack of boundaries, or our own fears — of rejection or failure. But life is all about choosing. Users from the Liven app review and list the outcomes they face when avoiding choices: lost chances, damaged relationships, and life disappointments. It’s possible to take the lead in decision-making and uncover the paths you can take. And in the process, you can find out where you are in all of it.
Your Values Speak for You
If your choice tastes sour, it usually means that you made it against your values. Even when it feels logical or others agree with it, the moment you act against your own better judgment, you sense disappointment lingering in your mind.
So, explore the principles that drive you.
Let’s do a simple exercise that the Liven app offers as part of self-reflection — check in with these values. Recall at least ten situations when you were most confident or fulfilled — and then, ten moments when you were disappointed with something. These should be significant and illustrative of who you are.
Write down the values that represent these moments. For example, speaking up when witnessing cruelty shows that you appreciate justice and kindness. If you lied to someone and felt bad about it, you cherish honesty. Choose 5-7 principles that resonate most deeply. This small set will be your “non-negotiables” in major decisions.
And now? Test them in real life for a day. Act accordingly and check in with your inner state. Does it seem reasonable, fair? Even if your values are slightly hard to practice, such choices still feel more natural to you.
A Few Methods for Making Aligned Choices
These exercises are easy, and they won’t take up much of your time to try out. Perhaps you know some of them.
Try a Pause and Check Method
Making rash decisions won’t help you feel more confident about them, especially if you are considering something serious and not a quick dinner purchase. Focus on three Fs: Facts, Feelings, and Future.
Facts: What do you actually know about this? What are the real elements you are sure of? Leave any interpretations you don’t know behind.
Feelings: What emotions do you feel when you say “yes” or “no” to the choice in your head?
Future: Can you say that you will care about this choice after several days? Or in a year?
As you answer these questions, you’ll notice having a better structure for the next steps.
1Make a Non-Negotiables List
List the must-have conditions for you to feel good about a decision. If a choice fails to meet even one, it’s a clear sign to reject the alternative. It’s either against your values, or you don’t like the potential outcome, and the temptation you sense stems from external pressure.
Imagine Making a Choice
Here’s a little trick: we often lean toward one of the options without knowing it. So let’s set this tug more clearly. Promise to go with one of the choices and start planning how to make it real. Do you experience a slight sense of disappointment? Do you feel like saying “No, I change my mind”? Well, then you’ve got the answer — you want the other option.
Try Out a Small Experiment
You don’t have to commit to a particular choice immediately. You can have a demo version, so to speak, and go from there. Try to test it on a smaller scale. Here’s how it can look:
- Considering switching careers? Try a short internship or a quick course on the subject.
- Want to move to another city? Spend a few days there.
While doing this, you’ll face the physical reality of the action, which can either solidify your choice or reveal some deal-breakers you didn’t know of.
Balance Your Compass With Others’ Advice
Other people’s thoughts can be valuable. He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master, said Ben Jonson, and he was right. It’s better to hear from those with more knowledge and experience.
However, we often forget that we, too, can be right. Just because someone’s choice was different doesn’t imply yours is wrong. Listen to others, but filter what they say. Consider what you know about this person. If your parent suggests that you forgive someone and you don’t want to, think about whether this parent is prone to being too forgiving. If your friend recommends a long trip, ask yourself whether you are in the same financial or personal situation as they are.
Regardless of whether you agree or disagree, check in with your values. It’s always useful to ask others if they think this decision reflects things you believe in or not — sometimes, they can have more insights than you know.
In the end, the final word is yours, even when everyone else tells you otherwise, and asking for tips doesn’t mean you’ve got to do as told. Remember that others can only offer their opinions, and you need to protect your own interests. You have the power to choose.
Final Thoughts
We don’t always know what the right path is. No one knows. Had we known, the world would have been much different. We don’t have a guarantee that this specific choice will give us the best outcome. Perhaps it’s a little unfair, but it should also feel freeing — it means that only you decide what move is right. Let yourself taste this freedom. Allow yourself to be the decision maker.